Bibleman Punches your Mom in the Penis
by Fonz Pond
Summary: The Devil may cry dick tears at the glory of Bibleman
1. Chapter 1

God was dead, to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that "Noooooooo father what have they done to you" Jesus said when he see the dead body just as Bibleman explodes onto crime scene destroying precious evidence. "WHAT HAPPENED HERE!" Baibleman scream in angre. Jesus busts into tears and burries his head into Bibleman's rippling abs and pectoralds. Bibleman pushes away nancy-boy and begins his investigation, finding huge glowing red spiked dildo lodged in God's boodyhole that no one else noticed.

Bibleman dove from the heavens and withdrew The Sword of the Spirit. He sensed an enemy of Christ on an airplane and sliced the airbeast into, spilling its blood of screaming human passengers into the skies. He then snatched the atheist, wraped his hands around his neck and scream "JUDGES 3:22: AND THE FAT CLOSED OVER THE BLADE, FOR HE DID NOT PULL THE SWORD OUT OF HIS BELLY; AND THE SHIT CAME OUT!" and stuffed a copy of Darwins: Origin of a Feecies down his dickgobbler!

He crashed onto the ground and shoved the Holy Saber into the word's dirt-gina and began fucking the world! Meanwhile atop mount Olympus, the Earth Goddess Gaia orgasmed, and the portal to hell opened so that Bibleman may enter. Bibleman would later kill her for being an unholy pagan abomination.


	2. Chapter 2

Bibleman was struttin' through hell like the pimp he was, making bitches of demons by facefucking them with his fists of holy-fury.

Bibleman had just finished murder-molesting an entire pack of hellspawn, when he happened upon a demonic orgy! Bibleman would have to sneak by them in order to reach Satan's pimp-tower. Bibleman reached into his endlessly deep extra-dimensional pockets and retrieved his fursuit; a lamb, one of the holiest (and most tender) of god's creatures.

Bibleman climbed over the fleshy mountain of scalding hot sex until he reached the peak of the spankpile. Suddenly, Jeffrey Dahmer exploded from the lubed up wangstack, in his GIANT ROBOT RAPE-SUIT (the real jeffrey dahmer isn't in hell because he was baptized). "Who dares disturb my slumber?"

Bibleman removed his fursuit. "I DO, FAGOLA!". The massive sex-hill of demonic hornyness, imediately began to clammer for Bibleman's bone bulge.

"Imma gonna rape ya!' Dahmer squealed as he charges the holy warior, spinning his drill-do.

"BITCH PLEASE!"

Bibleman whipped out his badass prayer sword and did some sumurai-type shit with it. He lept on top of Dahmer's drill-do and riped it right out of Dahmer's robo-groin. The cannable screamed like a lil' bitch when bibleman loaded the drill-do his giant holy M-60 and aimed it at the Rape-bot's cuntpit.

"DOODERONAMY 23:1, NO ONE WHOSE NUTS ARE SQUISHED OR WHOSE DICK ROD IS CUT OFF SHALL ENTER THE ASSEMBLY OF THE LORD!"

Dahmer's fagass was obliterated in a white hot rain of holy dicking. Bibleman surfed down the fuckwall on waves of bloody love-juice.


	3. Chapter 3

Needless to say, lord Lucifer was not pleased with this turn of events. Baal the accursed, father of all lies, Satan, the very leviathan himself arose in physical from the churning pit of liquid flame, emanating from his very presence a temporal shockwave that could only be a described as a bellowing cosmic scream. The lord of suffering pulled back his lips, unveiling the bowels which housed the traitors of man, the worst of all sinners.

"Hey man, what the actual fuck? Why are you all up in my pit of eternal suffering, screwing shit up and making my already miserable existence even shittier? I mean, I was just lounging around, devouring souls, watching Lucky Star, and you show up and start murdering and raping my minions, so what gives you big jerk?"

Bibleman dropped a few thousand minor demons, agonized, and grief-stricken from the shock of Bibleman's ferocious butt-battering. "Wacha gonna do, pussy?" Bibleman said with all the eloquence of a queef from the Virgin Mary herself.

Satan flicked his wrist, and in a whirl of flame, summoned his pitchfork, and pointed the unholy weapon at the warrior of our fallen lord. The pitchfork, a weapon that looked exceptionally deadly, was even more malevolent than the eye of a mere human could comprehend, reducing our simple concepts of "space", "time", and "matter" to a load of laughable bullshit.

"Don't make me use this thing. No mortal such as you could handle the full reality of what this object is. Not any more than you could comprehend my infinity +1 level of power"

Bibleman sneered at the dark creature's threat. Satan continued:

"Though in the sight of man, a mere handheld weapon, this pitchfork is in fact a three dimensional cross cross-section of a nine dimensional object. Above space, underneath time, the spear of Satan is an unholy weapon of interdimensional mass annihilation. If struck with the fork, your body will be assaulted from all points, in every sextillionth of a second that you have existed. Struck with an incalculable number of barbs, coated in the poisoned ejaculate of the lord Death himself, the elementary particles your body would be reduced to corporeal energy, diminishing their very existence to a non-truth. You're pretty much boned if this thing even nicks you."

Bibleman grabbed that shit and snapped that puny little twig in half.

"B-but how, that device was forged in the depths of a strange-matter star! And the superfluidic properties of the high-energy/negative-viscosity degenerate matter should have-"

That little nerd quit that faggy Star Trek technobbable bullshit when Bibleman grabbed hold of his cranberry-sized gonads. "Science? Please, I'm a Christian". The dark lord's eyes filled with terror as Bibleman thumbed through his on-hand copy of the bible.

"Hmmmm, where is that one passage I really like…AH here it is!

JUDE 1:7: JUST AS SODAM AND GOMORRAH AND THE SURROUNDING CITIES, WHICH LIKEWISE INDULGED IN SEXUAL IMMORALITY AND PURSUED UNNATURAL DESIRE, SERVE AS AN EXAMPLE BY UNDERGOING A PUNISHMENT OF GLORIOUS RECTAL RETROBUTION!"

The acts of anal genocide that Bibleman perpetrated on the Devil have been withheld, as so they do not disturb the impressionable child audience that this literature garners.


End file.
